DATE NIGHT….UGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

So Wallie, my husband, decides it’s time for us to have a date night.   He of course picks the movies. He can be so romantic and unpredictable…NOT!

Oh the Movies, who doesn’t like to go to the movies, he says. 

Well, to be honest, me.  I really don’t like to go.   But yet there I am, climbing over a row of people who give me dirty looks because we weren’t a half hour early like them. 

Plus, if they just moved into the middle of the row then we wouldn’t be where we are with me saying ‘excuse me’ as I step on their feet and they kick me as I climb over them.  I know their tricks.

Everyone has to have the ‘ailse’ for the ‘just in case’ they have to go to the bathroom after they drink a 40lb cup of diet coke.

So why do I keep going?  Well, you see Wallie loves the movies.  He tells me all the time.  WHen I ask him to explain what it is that he likes about it, he says,  it’s a ‘community thing’.  He says, ‘its an experinece to see a movie with everyone’.  I guess if you like people it might be worth the 100 bucks to see it.

Yep, I said 100 bucks.  I did the math.  From gas, parking (don’t get me started on that) popcorn (jumbo size because you can never have enough) the big gulp, to wash down your jumbo size popcorn and then another trip up to get your snow cones.  Oh, of course the price of the movie which in all honesty, if we just wait two more weeks it comes out on DVD and we can watch it for a buck. 

BUT NOOO!!!!!!!!  Wallie insists that it’s a night out.  So off we go to sit in a dark room so we are with the ‘people’ sharing in the experience.

The paper says the movie starts at 8:00pm.  After all these years, you would think that I know the movie theatres are just a bunch of liars.  The movie NEVER starts at 8:00pm, more like 8:30pm because we have to sit through a half hour of soon-to-be-released movies because they know they have us trapped and we are forced to sit through them, expecially if you do not have an isle sit.

So as Wallie and I walked in theatre 8 , Wallie stops and looks at the crowd towering above us.   He has to find the perfect seat.   It really is like a game for him.  I on the other hand don’t appreciate a crowd of 200 people staring down at us praying that we don’t sit next to them.

So after we climbed over the people with their loud obnoxious sighing, (yea I heard you) we finally sit down in our seats.  Wallie and I do the elbow fight over the arm rest because the people next us clearly have taken ownership of the other arm rests.  

  As I stare at the screen,  Wallie and I love to guess the answers to the movie trivia.   I have to say, that I always get them right, and Wallie, God bless him, never gets one answer right.  As we discuss the question, the people in back of us shush us. 

Really? The lights aren’t even turned off yet.  My rule is that everyone can talk until the lights go off, then it’s quiet time.   I mean really, I find it rude for people to talk during the ‘soon-to-be-releases’.

As the trivia game starts to ask the same questions, I get bored, and Wallie, well, he continues to keep guessing. (He still gets them wrong by the way).

As I sit and observe the movie goers in my seat, I pray that I don’t have to go to the bathroom in the next few hours.  Trust me; you don’t want to climb over those people again.

As the lights turned down I scout the audience and can see the glow from the teenager’s cellphones as they create one more text to send to the person next to them.

 

As the previews start,  the food comes out.  People stuffing their faces with all their snacks.

The person next to me starts to eat her cheese nachos. 

Can I just stop for a moment and say whose bright idea was it to offer heated cheese nachos in a dark movie theater?   Has anyone ever smelt rotted old cheese?   Me either, but I’m pretty sure it’s the smell I am currently smelling in the stinky movie theatre.      

I look over at Wallie as he sits with this big huge bucket of popcorn on his lap and offers me some.  “uh, no thanks, I’m good”

Since when did going to the movies go hand in hand with disgusting fattening foods?  Everyone seems to be munching on something.

You know, there really aren’t that many great movies that you really need to leave the house for.  I mean when you really stop and think about it, y ou have a clean bathroom to use, a kitchen right next to you, you can even ‘pause’ the movie if you need to go walk the dog or go get a human size 8oz.  glass of soda.    There are no loud talkers, no glow from cell phones and no one giving you the evil eye when you have to climb over them to get to your seat.

I remember when movies were shown on the ‘big screen’, but those days are long gone, they have taken those movie theatres and turned them into 12 little theatres and I swear to you, the screens are the are the same size of our own TV.   Wallie keeps telling me they are not, but I know, I measured them with my ruler once.

So as Wallie and I sat through a half hour of previews of Ninjas, jumping up and kicking each other, it happened, I started to feel like I needed to go to the bathroom. 

Do I go now or try to hold it in?  I knew I couldn’t hold it in for the next few hours so I decided to go.

excue me excuse me excuse me, Evil eye, evil eye, I see you.

Upon returning, I realized the movie had already started and the theatre was pitch black.  As I looked up in the crowded theater, I couldn’t see where Wallie was sitting.

I stood there for a few seconds till someone told me to move because apparently they couldn’t see the screen.  I didnt realize that I gained so much weight that I covered the whole screen. 

So I decided to jump in the nearest seat that I could find. 

As I titled my head up in the front row, knowing full well I would have a major neck cramp for the next few days, I knew that I will never go to the movies again.  It just isn’t fun for me.

When the movie ended, I found Wallie.  He said,

“Wasn’t that great?”

“Wallie, did you even notice I wasn’t there? “

“uh, yea, where did you go?”

Yep, nothing like a nice date night.  He didn’t even save me any popcorn.

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Where are my rabbit ears?

Its 1:00 in the afternoon and I sit here waiting for the Comcast guy.  INFINITY.  I had them come out to the house two weeks ago to change over from FIOS to INFINITY.  But the service guy said that he couldn’t do it because the order didn’t mention anything about me wanting a DVR.  Huh?  I guess there are different ‘boxes’ for that and he didn’t have any on the truck.

OK, really?  Do I look that stupid, I realize its 4pm in the afternoon and you want to get home, but come on.   I am assuming he is on salary. Then he said, “well, I can just put the regular Cable on and come back at another time to give you the DVR.

“uh, it’s the fall, no chance.  The majority of my shows I watch are on the DVR because time is precious and I can take an hour show and with my DVR make into a 35 minute viewing because you can FF through the commercials.

So why the switch?  Well, for one thing, I can’t afford it anymore.  They have been ripping me off for years now.  Another thing, the damn thing just doesn’t work.  It just shuts down in the middle of a show where it has to constantly reboot.    So it’s time for a change.

As I sit here waiting, I realize how much that television viewing has become its own sport.  It takes a high degree of technical expertise to understand and get the full potential of what your TV can actual do.   I remember my parents saying, “It used to be so easy, we would just get up off our lazy asses and turn the damn dial.”

My parents talk fondly of how the biggest challenge they had was adjusting the rabbit ear antennae that sat on top of the TV just to get good reception, and how papa had it down to a science.

However, today’s TV, you really do need a degree in computer science.  I for one, do not have a degree in computer science, so I am stuck with the just the most basic clicker functions.

And that is pretty much how I get by in this high-tech world.  I only use the functions necessary to get by.    Sad I know, but it works for me.

Heck, I don’t even change my car’s clock during day light savings time because I would spend hours trying to press all the buttons to figure out, and then it dawned on me, if I just waited another 6 months until standard time started again, I would actually have the right time again.

But I have figured out with my current TV provider that I am able to find my Law and Order SVU program.  I can hit the record button and, if I have too, play it back later. I even know how to rent Spiderman for my son on pay per view and get this, you ready; I have even managed to work the volume control. Woo hoo!

What I don’t get is that stupid message box when you turn the TV on.  Every time I sit to watch special victims,    a screen pops up listing all these different options available to me. This really does piss me off.      Call me crazy, but when I turn on the TV to watch Law and Order SVU, it’s usually for one reason and one reason only, and that’s to watch Law and Order SVU.  I don’t know about you, but I personally expect to see my show and not a screen suggesting other things I could be doing instead of watching my SVU.  Or ‘SUV’ as my mama likes to call it.  (Itry to tell her it’s not a car, but she doesn’t really care, frankly, I don’t care either).

I realize that I am starting to get older.  I remember making fun of my parents who wouldn’t use the ‘call waiting’ feature on their phone.   I would tell them that the ‘call waiting’ is to alert them that another call was coming in, and yet they would purposely ignore it.

“You just have to tell them to hold on while you get the other call” I would say.

“Well it’s just rude Sholanda” Mama would say “I was already in the middle of a conversation”

“But what if it was an emergency?”

“Well then, it would be easier for you to just dial 911”.  Can’t really argue with logic.

So, last weekend I turned on the ‘ol TV to watch some lifetime movie that I saw at least 8 times before.   Sure enough, there is that lovely message box; it’s an announcement about some new service FIOS is offering.

I actually stopped and made the mistake of actually reading the announcement. And it sounded pretty good.   They said with a FREE app, I will be able to watch television on all my “devices” in the house.

The thought of being able to watch DR. Phil   while I was sitting on the crapper, seemed really intriguing to me, so in a moment of weakness or lunacy, you decide; I decided to go for it.

This seemingly simple act had escalated into a cascade of wrong moves on my part, too numerous to even go into in this post, but the end result was that my account login name and password were shut down. This even affected my email because apparently all forms of communicating with the outside world are all in the ‘bundle’ I have.  When one goes, they all go.

The solution required me to do the one thing that I dread more than anything, and I even wrote a whole post about it once.  Calling the 1-800-customer-service number. I can’t even say those words without experiencing a symptom of PTSD.

So, an hour of horrendous hold music later and then an actual person finally came on and help me resolve my ‘bundle log in password’ problem.

So the next day, after I finally finished watching my Law and Order SVU, I gave mama a quick call to check in on her, I don’t hear from her everyday like I use too, she has been so busy hanging out with noodledoodle and dollyblanket. (See previous post)

As I was talking to her about my problems with the TV, she said,

“You know, we never had these problems with our little black and white Zenith TV. “

I paused for a moment.

“But mom, you also couldn’t get reception above channel eight, either.”

I guess everything is relative.

rabbitears

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How to make a ribbon and bow for your gift.

Finally, you found the perfect gift, but now what?  Yep, gift wrapping. Oh, that dreaded wrapping.  If you put some effort into the presentation, you can create a package that will be almost too cool to open.

Wrapping a gift with ribbon and bow is not as hard as it looks, but you have to admit, it does add some elegance to the gift and gives a finished look to the whole package.

To make a puffy bow, you’ll need about 2 yards of gift wrapping ribbon, plus enough ribbon to wrap around the length and the width of the package.

Here are things you will need to create your bow.

*     Your wrapped Gift

*    Ribbon

 *    Matching narrow ribbon or bow wire

So, you ready?  Let’s get started.

        1         Wrap the ribbon around the length of the gift, leaving about 6 inches of extra ribbon in the center of the top of the gift.

        2          Place your finger on the ribbon in the center of the top of the gift, and then wrap the ribbon around the width of the gift.

        3        Cut the ribbon so the ends are about equal, and then tie them together in a knot.

        4        Make a puffy bow by wrapping the ribbon around your hand, or a piece of cardboard that’s the width you want the finished bow to be, about six times.

        5         Remove the loops of ribbon from your hand or the cardboard, and cut the end of the ribbon from the spool.

        6         Fold the loops of ribbon in half. Cut the corners of the folded area at angle, being careful not to cut apart the loops, to make notches.

        7        Unfold the loops and tie a narrow piece of matching ribbon or bow wire around the center of the loops. Make sure the narrow ribbon or bow wire is snug, to hold the loops together.

        8        Fluff out the loops so that the bow looks full and even.

        9        Attach the bow to the top of the gift with double-stick tape, or a piece of regular tape folded in half.

        10        Cut off any excess ribbon, or trim the ends at an angle or cut v-shaped notches into the ends.

Oh, I almost forgot, you can also wrap a gift with curling ribbon, rather than making a separate bow. Leave the ends of the curling ribbon extra long as you’re wrapping the gift, and then pull the ends of the ribbon across the sharp edge of the scissors in a quick, sharp motion. This causes the ribbon to curl. You can also tie extra pieces of curling ribbon to the top of the package and curl them for a more fully curled ribbon bow.

Don’t forget your matching note card.

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I’M FRIENDS WITH KIM KARDASHIAN

Well, not really.  I just joined twitter and apparently I had to follow five people.  My choices were limited, and yes, Kimmy K was one of them.  I had no choice. Click.

I think Justin was one, he popped up too, Click, but I don’t mind following him, I heard he is getting into all kinds of problems.  Who doesn’t love a good train wreck.  Oh how the mighty can crumble.  He wasnt even on the VH1 awards this year.  Poor kid.

So any ‘ol way, Follow me on  twitter 

Wonder If I could put that here?  I’m sure I’ll hear about it if i cant.  Its not like it’s SPAM, I think i have one or two tweets.  Still not sure what I am supposed to do with twitter.

I guess write some useful thoughts, kind of like I do here, with no one reading them.  Im sure Kim and Justin have better things to do with their time then read my tweets.  Im still waiting for a ‘follow’ back from them.  How rude if you ask me.   Isn’t thats how it works.  I follow you, you follow me but we never will read what each other says?

So If your bored, come on over and follow me.  I will follow back.  Not sure if I will read what you tweet, but it will increase your numbers.  Kind of like facebook…..4,500 friends.  Really?  I have 8.

So here is where I end, another useless thought.

Who knows, if Justin or Kim start to follow me back, I just might start tweeting.

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December Days Christmas Glossy Wrapping Paper

December Days Christmas Glossy Wrapping Paper

Glossy Wrapping Paper

For a gift second to none, wrap it up in beautiful and high quality custom glossy wrapping paper. Perfect for weddings, birthdays, baby showers, and more, this glossy wrapping really pops with your photos, text, and designs.

60lb cover-weight glossy 100% recyclable paper.
Vivid, full-color print-to-the-edge customization.
Printed and made in the USA.

Please note: Designs are tiled after first 2’ x 3’ printed section.

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